Ever wonder how much productivity businesses lost because of these test kits over the last three years? Sorry boss can’t come in for two weeks—tested positive for covid. Nice, two weeks off but then the damn thing won’t test negative and you can’t go back to work. No worries. Government wants businesses to just keep paying their employees. Nice, again.
When I heard the government was offering FREE Covid test kits I wanted some of those FREE kits that I’m paying for. I ordered them under an alias name—MICHAEL REAPER. Feel free to order yours using my last name.
tnDoc Reaper, LeeAnn Reaper, Doria Reaper, Patti Reaper, Donald Reaper, Rihanna Reaper, Laurie Reaper, David Reaper, Mr. Elk Reaper, Pasheen Reaper, (add your name).
Don’t fear the reaper Dee Dee. That might scare THEM.
Are their claims accurate? Remember their new oath, “Tell only lies and do only harm.” They claim an accuracy rate of 95%-99%. They admitted the first test, the one they used for two years then admitted it was junk, and then continued using it wasn’t all that accurate. Now they have NOW.
For my test the conditions were perfect, clear sunny skies, clear visual for aim, but slightly colder than I’d like, but no wind. As I mentioned in a previous report there are no instructions on how to open the box. The Chinese left them off. Slight clues, but nothing that says, OPEN HERE. So, my first challenge with the test kit is opening the box. I selected a high-powered, highly accurate, (unless I’m using it), SLING SHOT.
It took a few precision steel ball bearings to dial in my aim. I switched to rocks and then broken glass. I thought about trying razor blades. Results were fair. Selected beer for the test comes from Aslan Brewing Company in Bellingham Washington. It’s called Dawn Patrol.
I could not dial the Abbott in, nor the Made In the USA and that really pissed me off. I guess nobody reads the back of the box. If they did, they’d discover it contradicts the front of the box—Made in the USA.
At about the half-way beer mark I decided to switch my technique. Looking around I found a pick. Nailed it with the first swing.
It still wouldn’t open. I thought about getting my skill saw but didn’t want to journey that far away from my beer. I then selected the ultimate box opener. It is the tool of all tools. The REAPER tool—a scythe.
It immediately popped open.
With the Chinese box now open I gain access to the contents, most likely contaminated. I carefully dumped the contents in the dirt.
Instructions are for idiots but I had no choice. I want this test to be scientific. I’m forced to follow their science. We want to test their claim of 99% accuracy.
Thank God for pictures. I forgot my reading glasses. The back side shows a swab going up into the nostril.
No fucking way is right. We’re not going to use that technique. It is a highly ineffective test and the government knows this. I know this because I use to work for the government and they randomly tested me for 20 years. The most accurate is urine or blood. I’d need more beer to cut myself for the test, but after my first beer I had to urinate bad.
Scientific direct supports my claim.
On with the test.
The results take 15 minutes or around ¾ of a pint of beer. The results posted below.
I tested positive for Covid 19. I have no fever, no cough, no congestion, and I just rode my lifecycle for over an hour watching a Donald Jeffries podcast. I am now isolated in my office for the next 10 days. My wife will slide food to me under the door. If and when I should turn blue she is to take me to the closest hospital. If I die en route she’s to take me to Governor Jay Inslee’s mansion and leave me on his front porch.
I decided to use the other test kit. I have this project I’m working on when weather and time allow. I’m adding in old rustic boards onto a brand-new deck. Paul Simon knows 50 ways to leave a lover and I know 150 ways to use old junk wood that most people just throw away or burn.
I used boiled linseed oil as a stain on the old cedar boards just to add a little darkness.
Remember this?
I think that African leader suddenly died after that test. To honor this hero, I decided to test the boiled linseed oil. I am aware that my test kit is different from the hero African leaders test kit, but maybe I can be a hero too.
The results.
Inconclusive.
I have two more test kits. I am thinking of other things to test. Dbanjo?
LOL! Great Sunday post, but try not to amputate any body parts during advanced testing!
This is a Sunday Special Substack. Absolutely love it!