United Airlines says computer issue caused nationwide shitdown

let's break it down and look for the glitch

“Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going.”--HAL

For seventeen years I was a computer programmer. After about 10 years I hated computers. What a fucking life, typing in computer code for eight to ten hours a day. Some days I’d stare at a plant on my desk for over an hour. It was living a better life. I swear I could see it grow. My manager would come over and I’d point to it and say, “Did you see that?” His name was Dave.

Programming started driving me crazy. I’d stand up and shout, “GODDAMIT, THE CODE IS FUCKING RIGHT. DO WHAT I FUCKING TELL YOU TO DO, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.” I walked around the building a lot. I’d pass Dave walking in the opposite direction. I’d wave.

I’d come back in and change the code that was absofuckingfruitly right. I changed the code to something that shouldn’t work, and it would work driving me just a little more insane. I jumped up out of my chair and shouted, “I’M THE GREATEST FUCKING COMPUTER PROGRAMMER IN THE WORLD,” and then go for another walk around the building or go sit in our re-modeled lunchroom. The president of the company called it an “Oasis.” I started hating technology convinced it was taking us backwards, wasting out time, wasting our lives away. No problem. We have many more lifetimes after this one, right?

A few days ago, a computer glitch shut down United Airlines. Here’s how the writer described the glitch.

What’s a computer keystroke? What’s a confused schedule program? What’s a microchip melt down? How did it work properly before 10:38am? Who confused it? Insane programmers want to know. Is this another goddamn Microsoft glitch? After I quit being a computer programmer I drove a bus through the Microsoft campus—route 269. Look it up and fact check me. I got into a conversation with a contract programmer. I asked him about his job. He told me he walks around all day and spends a lot of time in the lunchroom. That’s what I use to do. Although, Microsoft lunchroom is an oasis.

The airlines canceled flights and then the problem was resolved in less than 30 minutes. Cue up the song, IT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT.

He goes on.

That’s what a confused scheduling program is supposed to do. You can’t blame the programmer for that one. Someone paid the programmer to write it that way. I’d like to write that one.

And then two former FAA Administrators, (they are always former), told Forbes how the airlines is being propped up. The government gave the airlines 62 billion dollars to keep it afloat in an ongoing pandemic that won’t ever end. And when it looks like it is they re-run it again. Isn’t government supposed to vote on big money spending?

I think I’d make a good writer for FOX KTVU. “Huggins, write a bullshit story on United Airlines canceled flights and blame it on a computer keystroke or a confused scheduling program.”

“Can I add in a group of dancing flight attendants doing a slow strip tease?”