Serenity now, insanity later

Happy Substitute Day--sling some mockery at them

Every year my daughter buys me one of those buttons you hit and it says something, RELAX BITCH, PROBLEM SOLVED. This year it was a Frank Castanza button, SERENITY NOW. I’ve already used it several times on my wife when she’s attempting to disturb me while I’m trying to write and save humanity, or just fuck up their plans a little.

It comes with three magnets. I stuck one on a bird house hanging in my office and then the other two I placed on a shelf for the moment. They’re stuck together.

 They will probably end up in my garage bar or my garden bar.

I awoke around 2am on this

and it was quiet. That’s unusual for my home. It’s unusual for my garden. No jets flying either over my house—two days in a row now. No owls—two days in a row. I threw this question out, “Why so quiet?” I hear a pop go off in my office located across from my bedroom. “Nice,” I said. They sometimes will make a pop in multiple places one after the other, Pop, Pop, Pop, office, kitchen, in the garden.

Most of the time I’m not startled by them, but this morning it startled me because I was so focused on the quietness of the morning. What makes the popping sounds? An immediate debunk is house settling. I’ve debunked that debunk. It’s not the house settling. So, let’s assume it’s paranormal—spirits.

One thought is that the sound is created when a spirit enters or exits a location. If we apply it to my experience this morning a spirit entered my office, or exited it. I’ve ran over 1,000 digital audio recordings and I’ve spent hundreds of hours analyzing paranormal sounds, and voices from the other side. I could probably claim now I am an expert in paranormal sound. If there’s a sound in a room that shouldn’t be there I usually here it and a mental note is made. You would be very surprised at how much sound we miss in any given setting such as a family gathering or out in a crowded bar.

Sometimes when a spirit starts to talk a pop sound happens before or after. I don’t know why. Why only sometimes? I can tell you the sometimes really fucks up your applied fabricated science tests. You will keep coming back to, why, why, why, why?

After the pop sound I take my thoughts off to our war, death, sickness, vaccine bullshit, and wtf am I going to write about today. Who suddenly vaccine died? A goulash of thought. I knew going back to sleep was out. I did kick in a thought on taking a 3am tea in the hot tub. On one 3am hot tub soak an owl buzzed the top of my head. Really cool. We also have deviant criminal’s going around our neighborhood stealing catalytic converters. Maybe I get to listen to one of those being sawed off my neighbor’s car. I keep Heisenberg and AisforAudi in the garage. You can usually tell which neighbor lost their converter as soon as they start their car.

The next sound that came from my office was much louder, something fell off onto the hardwood floor. That’s not a normal house settling sound. That did startle me—same room the pop sound came from. I discovered that the magnets that were placed on the ammo box were now laying on the floor next to my stationary bike. Riding it today. Maybe.

What’s the debunk? Slide off and fell to the floor. It’s been on there for five days why did it take five days to slide off onto the floor? Maybe that’s how long it takes for a magnet placed on an ammo box to slide off. Maybe a spirit knocked it off onto the floor. Why? Because they like to do that.

Back in December of 2016 I was just starting my research into why I was having this explosion of paranormal activity around me. For about three weeks in a row I ran my recorder all night long and then loaded it onto my computer and listened using an audio program called Wavpad. It’s excellent. A lot of tools to use.

On that one morning in December I was lying in bed wondering wtf is going on with this paranormal stuff. It was around 5am. My recorder was on my bedroom window seal and the window was open. I then hear a sound downstairs. It sounded like a Christmas ornament fell off the tree and onto our hardwood floor. I don’t have a cat. I got up and went downstairs and discovered that there was no ornament on the floor. What made the sound then? Did my recorder upstairs pick up the sound? It should. It did.

On my computer program I captured the sound plus ten seconds before and tens seconds after. I looped it X5. In the audio I hear a female and a male spirit have this exchange.

Andy, that was too loud. You’re going to scare Mike.

Sabrina, I can’t control how loud it comes through on the other side.

It probably startled Mike. I don’t want to scare him Andy.

I’m not trying to scare him Sabrina.

Hearing an exchange between two spirits is rare but it’s solid gold to me and I’ve had it happen several times between these two spirits. In the exchange I discover two names. It appears they set up some kind of sound manipulation between their world and ours in an attempt to get my attention. Hearing something fall to the floor when everyone in the house is in bed will get my attention every time just like this morning.

Their discussion shows their intentions aren’t malicious—quite the opposite. That’s good. It indicates that the spirit of Andy was the sound technician while Sabrina was his assistant. To her it sounded too loud, maybe to Andy as well. It didn’t to me. It sounded perfect. The exact sound a tree ornament would make falling onto a hardwood floor and hearing it from another room thirty feet away. What if it would have come across ten times as loud? I’m sure I would have shit my pants.

 So, they are aware they can make this sound. They are aware I am awake in bed and that I will hear it, but they aren’t sure just how loud it will come across on my side because no ornament is going to fall off the tree onto the floor. What type of sound machine do they have that at WOO, Window Of Opportunity, can be dubbed into our world? There’s some serious sound shit going on there. My answer is I don’t know. They once used a cowbell. I already wrote about that. Why didn’t they just hit the cowbell downstairs? I never recorded the cowbell in the house only outside.

One night I woke up to pops continuously going off downstairs in my living room. I contacted the spirit of Sabrina and asked her where she was. She replied she was in my garden talking to some spirits. I asked her if she could come in the house and find out which spirit is making the popping noise and ask it to stop because I am having no luck getting it to stop. She agreed. The popping continued.

“What’s going on Sabrina?”

“Mike, I can hear it but there isn’t any spirit.”

“Sabrina, go right to the location where the sound is and stand right there.”

“I did that Mike. I can’t determine the cause of the sound.”

“That’s fucking great Sabrina, so I have to attempt to go back to sleep listening to that?”

“I’m bringing Andy in.”

I drift off to, pop, pop,pop, sleep.

I’ve had numerous experiences where sound was dubbed into our world and I was able to capture it on my recorder. On one of those recorded sessions I took it to Tombstone Arizona and let a gun expert listen to it to determine if the gunshot sounds were pistols or rifles. There was also a shot-gun. The gun shots were recorded coming from my backyard after I booked a trip to Bisbee Arizona at around 3am. I just finished reading a book on Wyatt Earp as well. Doc Holiday took a shot-gun to the shoot out. My wacky thought, is it possible the spirits dubbed in the actual sounds from the Wyatt Earp / Doc Holiday shoot out at the O.K. Corral? All I needed was the gun expert to tell me the other gun shots came from a pistol and I’ll let my imagination fabricate all the rest.

I met the gun expert in Big Nose Kate’s Saloon at around 9pm. It’s supposedly very haunted and they told me about their hauntings. Interesting. The man was old, retired now. He was a college professor at some big name colleges. Physicist. His wife was a physicist too. Imagine their evening discussions over dinner. The bartender had a gun in a holster around her waist. She validated his claims of being both a college professor, a physicist and a gun expert. I didn’t care about physics, I just wanted him to know guns. She told me he made her gun along with the bullets. That was good enough for me.

He told me that I might recognize his name—THOMPSON. Nope. He asked me if I’d ever heard of a gun called the Thompson sub-machine gun, the Tommy gun. I said of course. He told me it was his family who designed it and manufactured it. Cool. The audio file was on my Iphone. I handed my phone to Mr. Thompson. He took my phone and went outside. He was outside for quite a while. I went out to see what was taking him so long. He seemed to be extremely fascinated by it and was playing it repeatedly. He then handed me the phone and walked back inside.

 I sat down next to him hoping he’d say, pistol, pistol, shot-gun. He said, rifle, rifle, shot-gun. Damn. It doesn’t match the shoot-out story. I then decided to ask some stupid shoot out questions. I asked him if he was familiar with the Wyatt Earp shoot out. He told me they drank at the same bar we are sitting at the night before.

He then went on to tell me what I already knew about it. “What weapon did Wyatt use,” I asked. He responded with pistol. “What did Doc use?” He replied, “Shot-gun.”

“Is it possible Wyatt grabbed his rifle on the way out the door and carried it to the shoot out and used it instead of a pistol?” I thought I was going to be thrown out of the bar with that question, or worse. What happened surprised me---silence. Thompson turned his head away and sat silently. Me too. After a few minutes he turned to me and said, “It’s debatable.” Holy fucking shit I nearly fell off my bar stool. I was reeling in excitement. A gun expert, a Wyatt Earp expert living in Tombstone said it was debatable and he was dead serious. To me this meant the spirits could have some how dubbed in the exact sounds of the weapons used at the shoot out at the O.K. Corral on October 26, 1881 and I now own the audio.

Gun Shot audio here. You will also here a female spirit call my wife’s name—Gaynor.

The most haunted hotel I have ever slept at was in Tombstone. I didn’t sleep at all. The Wyatt Hotel.

I spent most of the night sitting out on the balcony wrapped in a blanket with my wife next to me. Recorded it all. Insane. I’m going back. I need more insanity.

I enter this New Years Day substitute with some kind of paranormal activity that will remain unexplained. I placed the magnets back where they were and will monitor it and see if it falls off in five days. Doubt it. If it does I will update this article and post the debunk. For now I am stamping it paranormal and I slide into our war.

Who gets to make this shit up—New Year’s substitute day?

Here’s a little cowbell music to start your day.

Five beat mambo