Author note: The inspiration for this article came from a Super Subscriber yesterday. We were in an email exchange and I mentioned the 90 year old double vaxx’d and double boostered old man gave me $20 for working on his fence. I stopped off at a dive bar and had a beer listening to jukebox music. She felt inspired to make a sign for passing traffic and added a VRR sticker to it. I credit her. This article will be in the book.
We’re losing them. Soon they’ll all be gone. They may not even get into a history book. The Covid scam wiped out a lot. Trump should use this slogan. The make America great again was too confusing and now we’re too fucking tired to make anything. Nobody could figure out if it was ever great. When? What event made us great? Dive bars may not have made us great, but it made us unique. Make America Unique Again. I like that one too.
It wasn’t just the covid scam. Sports is to blame. When dive bars took out the jukebox in the back of the bar with the 4’X6’ dance floor and mounted 18 TV’s each one showing a different sport people became hypnotic sports junkies. The dive bar attire changed. Men now wearing football jerseys with baseball caps on backwards. Women too. The fun girls, the ones that shook their asses on the micro dance floor wearing tight jeans and belly shirts and encouraged everyone to join them don’t watch sports. They dance. They get their ya, ya’s out in dive bars.
Instead of Humble Pie belting out 30 days in the hole you now hear this coming from one of the mounted TV’s. The announcer whispers, “Tiger Woods is setting up for the three-foot putt. He had trouble with this shoot in a tournament last week. He’s getting over an injury to his back. Look at this. He’s talking it over with his caddie. Will we see him switch clubs? From this angle we can’t tell which club he has his hand on. Look at this. He’s made a decision. He's sticking with the original club. This is really exciting folks. The crowd is loving it.”
The lie started in my hometown—Kirkland Washington. This fucking enraged me. My bus route during the scam went through downtown Kirkland, the 255. It finished in two prominent places of which both fueled the lie, fueled my rage—Evergreen Medical Center and the University of Washington. Downtown Kirkland had three dive bars. It lost two during the lockdown, open, lockdown again, mask wearing, six feet distancing, and only the vaccinated can enter. My favorite survived—The Central.
They are slowly trying to ruin it. In the old days there were no TV’s to stare at like a brain dead zombie. You could either talk to your beer or the person sitting to either side of you. They almost always have an interesting story. If you stay until 10pm the young, tattooed dancing tight jean show starts. They’ve mounted a couple of TV’s. This doesn’t officially remove them as a dive bar as long as they remain off. Reach for the remote and I’m leaving.
I have a few Central stories. One Friday or Saturday night my wife and I were going to bar hop it around Kirkland. Our plan was to start at the Central. We didn’t know they had a band that night. The place is so small there’s nowhere to put a band. Their selected location was right in front of the front entrance with a micro dance floor in front of the band.
In the picture below the front door is all the way in the end. The band was set up there and the dance floor started there and came all the way down the bar if needed. Table dancing was allowed. In a dive bar in Bisbee Arizona my wife jumped up on the bar and danced. She didn’t know about their dance rule. If you dance on the bar, you just bought the entire bar a round.
I dropped my wife off at the front door so she doesn’t have to drive around Kirkland with me looking for FREE parking. Before I got to the front door I could hear the music. I opened the door and there was the back of the lead guitarist, drums off to his left with a bass player. In front of them was a wall of dancing women. I had to navigate through both. I thought I made it through when someone grabbed my hand. One of the dancing women pulled me around, threw her arms around my neck, pressed her body up against me and said, “I’ve been waiting for you. We’re gonna tear it up on the dance floor all night and then you’re going home with me.” My reply, “Can we bring my wife? She’s right over there waving at us with the big smile on her face.” It was a great night.
In my previous article I mentioned that it was the NIH who started the race theory that blacks are more susceptible to catching covid than whites. Their argument is they’re poor and don’t seek out good medicine like white people do. Maybe they are just smarter, an exception being Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Magic Johnson. Add in Franco Harris. Maybe they know the number three cause of death in America is doctors. The number one cause of death being government. We can easily counter the NIH. If we take the NIH theory that all blacks are poor then this means they must have more dive bars than whites. Has the NIH studied this? Which patrons are more susceptible to catching covid, dive bar patrons who dance and sweat all night or rich boring bars like this.
There’s some hope for the return of the dive bar. More people are getting poorer. Like me. We can’t afford to drink at the places above. I bet this guy will have to spend sixty dollars on drinks before he’s invited back to her house. I didn’t spend a dime on a woman in a dive bar and got invited back to her house. Ca$h dive bar $avings.
There’s some interesting news coming out of the sports world. Massive lay-offs. ESPN sports is laying off a lot of people.
What the fuck ist hier los? Has viewership tanked? Forty-six thousand tickets were sold in Seattle for a bullshit allstar baseball game that means nothing. That doesn’t seem like a drop off in viewership. Do the billionaire owners know something we don’t? They’re in trouble. Let’s hope.
The hope for making dive bars great again is professional sports, televised sports, dies and televisions are removed, jukeboxes return and the bathroom doors get tore off again.
MDBGA—Make Dive Bars Great Again
MAUA—Make America Unique Again
TOBDA—Tear Off Bathroom Doors Again
Order your MDBGA baseball hat at the VRR store. Use code—fuck you vaccine—and save an additional 10%.
Now playing in a dive bar in Georgia.
Hilarious...I just finished checking out this post and thought what could I possibly add to such an awesome offering...and then my guy sent this vid...bless his heart - he always tries to get me out of my nano hangover...this did the trick...your post and this vid and I live to fight another day...
Couldn't help but share it with you and your scribes...
Thanks again for the seratonin "Huggz"
Let's crack a cold one! Shall we?
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/M1f9YAO1-Ho
First think I thought when I saw the title of your Substack today was "Yeauuhhhh Bitch"! (Second thing that crossed my mind was that my 1st thought may now be considered politically incorrect ...but whatever... I'll say it again "Yeauhhh Bitch"!) Bring back that Dive Bar Thang. There's nothing more honest than the smell of B.O., stale cigarettes and fresh failure that lovingly hit you in the face at any dive bar of your choosing. Oh- and NO hipsters allowed. Leave your pretension at the door, M*ther F&Ker...And by the way, Mr. Huggins- American IS great- it's just our government that sucks. Don't let them M*ther F&kers make you doubt that for even ONE second. People ROCK, it's the powerful that are poopy. :)